The Klonopin Chronicles.....
The story of how one girl (Me), one doctor (LT."Big"C) and one pill (Klonopin) changed a life (mine) forever.

Back in 2010 my father passed away. I was having some medical issues and my marriage was falling apart faster than blinking an eye and the stress was so overwhelming, I thought that I was going to need night tranquilizers. I could not believe that this was happening to me, to my marriage, most importantly my family, our children. What will my family think and say? How can/will I be able to start over at 30 years old, with two kids, a family that I was certain had put me on some type of hit list, and what would the Army think? How could that selfish bastard do this to me. Especially when I never wanted to get married. I was perfectly content and happy with what we already had, which was a great life together. Why ruin it with marriage? I didn't want to be another one of the Army's statistics for sure. But one day he told me that if we were not going to get married then we shouldn't continue with "us", because he wants to be married, he wants kids and a family. So who was I to take that from him? I did not want to spend the rest of my life wondering all the what ifs, if he and I broke up. Because I knew that I had the "Perfect" man and how often do you get that in life. I knew that he was my King and I wanted to devote my life to him, to us. So I said yes! Let's get married. So we got married and it was great and beautiful. We were happy and more in love then ever, we never fought, we had it altogether so to speak. With the exceptions of some medical issues on my part. For a young Army couple to have all their ducks in a row and then some, was just not something that the Army was known for. So basically, I had it all. The husband, a baking business, 2 beautiful sons that were definitely their mothers children. I had it all. All the things that other people wanted and envied, I had and it put a smile on my face everyday because I knew that I earned it, that I deserved it. What a selfish bitch I am. I am literally thinking as I am writing this and wondering do my friends like me, hell I'm not sure if I am liking myself at the moment. I wouldn't want to hang out or be around someone who was/is like me. Maybe I have another issue to work on. Well, we will work on that one another time.

So now that my marriage was finding it's way to a stop sign and I was losing everything and everyone that was important to me, what am I going to do? I was so many things but the biggest was, I was hurt. I was hurting, over everything. My failing marriage, the death of my father at the age of 55 that came out of right field for sure. My destiny had now became being a bitter bitch that just could not get her shit together. I stayed in bed all day, I missed appointments, I didn't return phone calls. I was nothing but a lost piece of a newspaper clipping on the bottom of some rich woman's shoe and I didn't give one fuck. Who cares. My life is falling apart and my soon to be ex was living his new life with a smile on his face and not a care in the world. As I would beg on my knees crying for him to stay, he would laugh. I was that pathetic. I thought to myself, I am any Army wife, even though I was so many other things, the most important to me was being an Army wife. It was a title I took pride in. I no longer signed my name, I signed Mrs, Sgt. Peter Gonzales. That made me feel important, wanted and accepted. How would I feel having a life that didn't involve the Army? The Army was my life, it was my family. The only family that I ever had that I could always count on. We take care of our own. But once people find out about your impending divorce, that "OUR" part, turns into, we take care of our "soldiers". I was doing everything right and I was just going to be dumped on the curb like I was Tuesday mornings trash. Sure, why not? Hell I had already fallen apart beyond repair, especially now that my father is dead. Why should I give two shits about anyone or anything? I did so much for years and now my husband has just dropped my ass like a bad habit, what else could I possibly do? Nothing. So fuck everything. I am going to do just the bare minimum for now on.  And then one day I woke up and actually got out of bed and looked in the mirror and said, "For fucks sake Mechelle, snap the fuck out of it", and I just thought to myself, No Thanks, Ill pass but Thank you! So I continued to stare at myself because I did not recognize the person standing in front of me. And then it happened, I was set free. I yelled at the top of my lungs, "NOOOOOOO"! And I gave myself a good, that's my bitch look in the mirror. At that moment I decided to take my life back. I am not going to let a man define who I am or dictate my life. Divorce sucks but so does life and I don't cry a sad tune when "life" pisses on me. I just get up and go take a shower and start fresh.

So now my mind was racing so fast I could not keep up with all the thoughts that were running through my head. The first thing for me, was I needed to figure out just how this had happened to me and my marriage. My life. I was "That Army Wife", that every woman wanted to be and every soldier wanted. And my husband knew this, but he never blinked an eye to any of it because he knew I was his. My loyalty was to him, whether it was when he was Peter Gonzales, my goofy husband full of laughter and love or when he was, Sergeant Gonzales, Peter, Brigade S1's NCOIC. It made plenty of our close Army and Air Force friends green with envy, especially some of the other wives. I will admit, I loved it, it drove me to be more and do more as an Army wife. Be the best that I could be, like the Army used to say. When I walked through a door on Post, especially at Brigade, I made sure people knew who I was. They all knew I was Sergeant Gonzales' wife and I was more than off limits. Unlike other Army wives who prefer to mingle with the local "Jodie's", I was more than satisfied with what I was receiving at home, all 3, 4, 5 times a day of it. I had no use for anyone else on that Post, except my husband. If someone did not know who I was, I would make it a point to let them know I was, Sergeant Gonzales' wife (and I would think to myself, They better remember it too), I did this anytime I felt that it was needed. When someone on post or off would refer to me as Miss. or Ms. Gonzales, I would always correct them, "Excuse me, it is Mrs.Gonzales, thank you!". I would glare at them and think, this is definitely the difference between a high school education and a GED right here in front of me. What is this world coming to? I feel so bad that this is what we are leaving for our children, For bringing them into this world during this generation This is the worst, period... generation, period... ever, period... Moving on.

To be continued..........

It will take more than a day for this post to come together. So until next time, I bid you a good night, an early morrow and plenty of Klonopin to get you through until I am back again.