The Klonopin Chronicles.....
The story of how one girl (Me), one doctor (LT."Big"C) and one pill (Klonopin) changed a life (mine) forever.

Back in 2010 my father passed away. I was having some medical issues and my marriage was falling apart faster than blinking an eye and the stress was so overwhelming, I thought that I was going to need night tranquilizers. I could not believe that this was happening to me, to my marriage, most importantly my family, our children. What will my family think and say? How can/will I be able to start over at 30 years old, with two kids, a family that I was certain had put me on some type of hit list, and what would the Army think? How could that selfish bastard do this to me. Especially when I never wanted to get married. I was perfectly content and happy with what we already had, which was a great life together. Why ruin it with marriage? I didn't want to be another one of the Army's statistics for sure. But one day he told me that if we were not going to get married then we shouldn't continue with "us", because he wants to be married, he wants kids and a family. So who was I to take that from him? I did not want to spend the rest of my life wondering all the what ifs, if he and I broke up. Because I knew that I had the "Perfect" man and how often do you get that in life. I knew that he was my King and I wanted to devote my life to him, to us. So I said yes! Let's get married. So we got married and it was great and beautiful. We were happy and more in love then ever, we never fought, we had it altogether so to speak. With the exceptions of some medical issues on my part. For a young Army couple to have all their ducks in a row and then some, was just not something that the Army was known for. So basically, I had it all. The husband, a baking business, 2 beautiful sons that were definitely their mothers children. I had it all. All the things that other people wanted and envied, I had and it put a smile on my face everyday because I knew that I earned it, that I deserved it. What a selfish bitch I am. I am literally thinking as I am writing this and wondering do my friends like me, hell I'm not sure if I am liking myself at the moment. I wouldn't want to hang out or be around someone who was/is like me. Maybe I have another issue to work on. Well, we will work on that one another time.

So now that my marriage was finding it's way to a stop sign and I was losing everything and everyone that was important to me, what am I going to do? I was so many things but the biggest was, I was hurt. I was hurting, over everything. My failing marriage, the death of my father at the age of 55 that came out of right field for sure. My destiny had now became being a bitter bitch that just could not get her shit together. I stayed in bed all day, I missed appointments, I didn't return phone calls. I was nothing but a lost piece of a newspaper clipping on the bottom of some rich woman's shoe and I didn't give one fuck. Who cares. My life is falling apart and my soon to be ex was living his new life with a smile on his face and not a care in the world. As I would beg on my knees crying for him to stay, he would laugh. I was that pathetic. I thought to myself, I am any Army wife, even though I was so many other things, the most important to me was being an Army wife. It was a title I took pride in. I no longer signed my name, I signed Mrs, Sgt. Peter Gonzales. That made me feel important, wanted and accepted. How would I feel having a life that didn't involve the Army? The Army was my life, it was my family. The only family that I ever had that I could always count on. We take care of our own. But once people find out about your impending divorce, that "OUR" part, turns into, we take care of our "soldiers". I was doing everything right and I was just going to be dumped on the curb like I was Tuesday mornings trash. Sure, why not? Hell I had already fallen apart beyond repair, especially now that my father is dead. Why should I give two shits about anyone or anything? I did so much for years and now my husband has just dropped my ass like a bad habit, what else could I possibly do? Nothing. So fuck everything. I am going to do just the bare minimum for now on.  And then one day I woke up and actually got out of bed and looked in the mirror and said, "For fucks sake Mechelle, snap the fuck out of it", and I just thought to myself, No Thanks, Ill pass but Thank you! So I continued to stare at myself because I did not recognize the person standing in front of me. And then it happened, I was set free. I yelled at the top of my lungs, "NOOOOOOO"! And I gave myself a good, that's my bitch look in the mirror. At that moment I decided to take my life back. I am not going to let a man define who I am or dictate my life. Divorce sucks but so does life and I don't cry a sad tune when "life" pisses on me. I just get up and go take a shower and start fresh.

So now my mind was racing so fast I could not keep up with all the thoughts that were running through my head. The first thing for me, was I needed to figure out just how this had happened to me and my marriage. My life. I was "That Army Wife", that every woman wanted to be and every soldier wanted. And my husband knew this, but he never blinked an eye to any of it because he knew I was his. My loyalty was to him, whether it was when he was Peter Gonzales, my goofy husband full of laughter and love or when he was, Sergeant Gonzales, Peter, Brigade S1's NCOIC. It made plenty of our close Army and Air Force friends green with envy, especially some of the other wives. I will admit, I loved it, it drove me to be more and do more as an Army wife. Be the best that I could be, like the Army used to say. When I walked through a door on Post, especially at Brigade, I made sure people knew who I was. They all knew I was Sergeant Gonzales' wife and I was more than off limits. Unlike other Army wives who prefer to mingle with the local "Jodie's", I was more than satisfied with what I was receiving at home, all 3, 4, 5 times a day of it. I had no use for anyone else on that Post, except my husband. If someone did not know who I was, I would make it a point to let them know I was, Sergeant Gonzales' wife (and I would think to myself, They better remember it too), I did this anytime I felt that it was needed. When someone on post or off would refer to me as Miss. or Ms. Gonzales, I would always correct them, "Excuse me, it is Mrs.Gonzales, thank you!". I would glare at them and think, this is definitely the difference between a high school education and a GED right here in front of me. What is this world coming to? I feel so bad that this is what we are leaving for our children, For bringing them into this world during this generation This is the worst, period... generation, period... ever, period... Moving on.

To be continued..........

It will take more than a day for this post to come together. So until next time, I bid you a good night, an early morrow and plenty of Klonopin to get you through until I am back again.

Who Are You?

This little trope was making the blog-rounds a while back, and I was fortunate to be tagged. I haven't really had much time to write a post lately, with trying to regain my sanity and learning to "tough-love" my husband without people thinking I'm a monster (like I give a fuck, well, yeah, I desperately give a fuck).  And I do love my husband for all that he does for me. He is with me during my highs, lows, in betweens and when I need him to dig me out an extra Klonopin because people are being extra stupid. 

Anyway. Here are some questions, the answers to which will make a blog post, which I definitely need right now. The things I'm thinking about these days are too complicated and take too much focus and it's all I can do to keep getting up at dawn and race around doing everything, everything, everything because it's tax season and my ex and I are fighting over earned income credits and who's claiming what kid. I just want to leap off a building, face up and just enjoy the ride and the awesome view. When I am done dreaming about my leap, Its time to finish getting ready to PCS from Fort Hood, TX to West Branch, MI. Yay! I can't wait. Never mind, I can be miserable here just fine. 

So. Um. Yeah.

1. Where were you born?
Well that's not very specific. I was one of the lucky babies to be born in the hospital and not in a bathroom stall on prom night. However, there are times that I think to myself after a conversation with my mother, "Why didn't she just flush me and save herself the time and energy it's going to take to be a mother?". So we know that I was born in a hospital but I was also born in Ector County in Odessa, Texas. The land of no where. You can stand anywhere and just see nothing for miles. Odessa sometimes is also referred to as Midessa. Midland is a town next to Odessa and they are known for their football team. At least Odessa has something to brag about. In case you haven't watched it, go rent the move, Friday Night Lights. That movie was based off the football team in the town I was born. I know, way too much for a simple question. Well I am far from being a simple person. I try to keep it as complicated as possible.

 

2. Were you named after someone?
But of coarse I was with a name like "Mechelle Marie". The "Mechelle part came from the famous Beatles song "Michelle my belle" There is an "E" in my name but in the song it is an "I". My mom threw the "E" in there because that's how the french pronounce the name "Michelle", so you hear the "E" and not the "I". Now the "Marie", Marie was the first name of my great grandmother on my mothers side. I grew up my whole life with her. Unfortunately she passed in 2002, two weeks before my son Nikolas was born, which would have been the first great grandchild in our family as well as having Five Generations all alive and together. It is very rare to have Five Generations all together like that. I really wish she could have been there for that but I guess God, just had a different plan for all involved.

 
3. How many children do you have?
I have two sons whom are the loves of my life. Nikolas, 10 and Adrian, 8. I may have gave them life but they gave me life also. Once I became a mother I was a whole different person. I now had someone that depended on me and it helped me grow up. Granted I wasn't 16 when I had them, I was 21 and 23 at the time of their births and to me that was still too young. I was still a kid (legally an adult) in a manner of speaking. But my boys formed me into the mother I have become and that is the greatest gift that I could ever receive.   

 

4. How many pets?
UH, No Thank You. I will pass on that one. 

 

5. What's the worst injury you ever sustained?

That is kinda a hard one for me. Ya know growing up every kid gets bumps and bruises. Falls out trees, while playing the woods, etc. I just recently had my 33rd surgery in 12 years but they were all for health issues. But I will say that the cause of my 30th surgery was after I tried breaking up a fight between my friend Mike and some guy we didn't know at a party. And he was so much bigger than me and I had to get Mike off this guy before he killed him, so I jumped up and wrapped my right arm around Mike's neck and just pulled back as hard as I could. I did succeed in breaking up the fight but I also succeeded in bringing both of us down a flight of pavement stairs, then us two landing on top of a girl who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The fall damaged the placement of my InterStim device in my lower back, so I had to have surgery for that. The surgery was fine. The Fall, not so much it sucked big time. But I did get Mike off the other guy. That's when I was given the title "Mechelle The HammerBone Gonzales". 

 

6. Do you have any special talents?

 Isnt being me, talent enough?
 

7. Favorite thing to bake?
Anything and everything. Especially the ones that pays. I used to own my own baking company, so there was never a day that I didn't smell like cake batter or butter cream icing. But my absolute favorite thing is my Pineapple Upside Down Cake, that I cook in a cast iron skillet on top of the stove.  

8. Favorite food?  
My homemade chicken lomein and lumpia. It's also a favorite of everyone who tries it. I only make it a few times a year because it takes a while to make it all. I am constantly having to tell friends, "NO", sorry I am not making Lomein and Lumpia. Maybe another time, maybe next year. Yes! It's that good.

9. Would you bungee jump? 
It depends. Only if it was a guarantee that the rope would snap mid jump and I would fall to my much anticipated death. This is not a joke. Yes, my life gets on my nerves that bad.

10. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Their demeanor. Once I talk to someone, within the first minute I will be able to tell if I will like them or not. 98% of the time I don't like anyone that I meet. I am pretty content with just having the handful of friends that I have. I really don't need anymore. It took me years to fish through the many people I have met along the way to find the precious few that I have kept.

11. When was the last time you cried?
Every morning when I wake up and realize that my dad is gone and it wasn't a horrible dream. 

 

12. Any current worries?
Too many to count, but the most important ones is my health and our move to Michigan in a few weeks. The Army just loves uprooting families. In a way it's good, especially if I am living or near people I can't stand. Moving fixes that problem.

13. Name 3 drinks you drink regularly.

1) Sweet Tea. I was raised in the south and grew up drinking sweet tea. I can drink a gallon myself a day.
2) Dr.Pepper. Also a favorite of mine. Growing up whenever we had sodas, there were always Dr.Peppers in the fridge. That is my soda of choice.
3). Water. Water is simple and easy, not to mention good for you also. Sometimes it is just easier to grab a bottle of water and be on my way. 

14. What's your favorite book?

 It is extremely hard for me to choose just one. I am an avid book reader and collector. A couple of years ago my husband bought me a "Nook", so I could just download books and read them like that, instead of carting 3 or 4 books with me everywhere I go. Not to mention the part about my husband getting tired of having to lug boxes upon boxes of books every time we move. This should tell you how much I love a good old fashion book. You know, just sitting there, reading and being able to smell the pages of a book, especially an old one. Anyway, I am getting off topic here. So my husband buys me this "Nook" so I go to Barnes and Noble to buy me a cute and fancy cover for it. I find this beautiful teal blue one, so of coarse I purchase it, along with 13 hard cover books and a renewed subscription to the Barnes and Noble reward club. Yup! I have a bad book habit. But my favorite genre of books are biography's, mainly focused on the Kennedy's. I have loved learning and reading about the Kennedy's for years. My absolute favorite Kennedy book is called "The Kennedy Curse". It goes on and on about basically all the bad luck that the Kennedy's have had, when and where it allegedly began and which ones it has effected. So on and So on. I am currently reading a book called, "Killing Kennedy, The end of Camelot". It is awesome. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who is a Kennedy fan.

15. Would you like to be a pirate?

UH YEA! Who wouldn't? Pirates are awesome. Kinda like how cool being a Ninja would be. I could have a peg leg and drink all the Captain Morgans Rum that I wanted. I would have a really cool yacht with a big pirates flag flying. Anyone who knows me, knows that I wont walk 20 feet near a thrift store, let alone hang out on an old Pirates Ship. Hence, the yacht. I am assuming that if I am a pirate, I can have any type of Ship "Yacht", that I want. But I definitely would not be like those Somalian pirates who kidnap real people, hold them for ransom and then when the ransom is paid, I still kill everyone and then the Coast Guard and Marines have to come shut my ass down. But yea, I'd like to be a pirate.

16. Favorite smells?
OOOH! That's a hard one for me, but I will narrow it down to my top three since I can't pick a top #1. *The smell of a newborn baby.
*The smell of my husbands pillow in the morning when I roll over to his side of the bed when he gets up in the morning. 

* Hello Kitty's signature perfume

17. Why do you blog?
To be totally honest, it is one of the only things that seems to keep me sane 98% of the time. Focusing my unused energy on something that relaxes me and calms me down is definitely a favorite of mine. I'm able to just let go and say whatever I feel or want without anyone putting in their unwanted two cents. It's like when I am on here writing on my blog, this is my quiet place to dream and share all my inner most thoughts.

18. What song do you want played at your funeral?

 "Rocky Racoon" by The Beatles

19. What is your favorite thing about yourself?

Well I have been told a time or two or three that not many people care for my honesty. I tend to say whatever the majority of the time. My doctor said that I have no filter and has given me medicine for it, The meds have helped a bit but I still tend to say exactly whats on my mind, always at the wrong moments of coarse. But I figure it is easier to tell a lie than the truth and most are willing to believe a lie before the truth, so why not keep it real, and just say what I have to say. They don't say "The truth hurts" for no reason.

20. Favorite hobby?

Books and Music..... I can sit down and read for hours. I have actually read a 4 book series in three days. I just sat there non stop reading because I was so swept up in the books. It was just too good to put down. My husband kept telling me that I needed to get some sleep. And I would say, "As soon as I am done". It was the Twilight Saga Books. And then there's Music. I love love love music. Any and all music. I like to think that it is a Sandoval thing. That music is just a part of who we are.

21. Name something you've done, you never thought you would do?

I never thought that I would have children because I never wanted them to be honest. I was never that girl who couldn't wait to grow up, get married and have kids. I was the girl in Mexico doing too many shots of Tequila so kids weren't really on my mind or my schedule for like ever. But then I have gave birth to two beautiful, bright, brilliant, balanced, brave, bashful, bouncing and beloved boys. Nikolas KeAloha and Adrian KeAlii. I may not have wanted children but as soon as I got them, I was in love. I don't care what people say, There is no Love like a mothers love.
 

22. What do you look for in a friend?

Funny Story! I like em poor (here's some money), without a place to live (here's my couch), without a job, (here's some money), And last but not least, my favorite, Mechelle my drivers license has been permanently revoked for the state of Texas, due to all of my misdemeanors, my car was impounded upon my last arrest and I really need to go to the store, (Here's the keys to my brand new $40,000 truck, don't drink and drive and don't get pulled over, and call me when you get there). Signed-My husband is going to kill me if anything happens to my truck, well I just wont tell him, unless something actually happens, then Ill just say I don't know whats going on, I was sleeping.

23. Favorite fun things to do?

Getting on people nerves among other things. The list is really too long. But I do enjoy all the time and energy I spend at Darnall Army Medical Center, firing doctors while threatening the careers of the interns and reminding them all that I have the III corps, Major General's phone number on speed dial.

24. Pet peeves?
Oh this one is great. And it wont take long at all. "Mechelle + People = Pet Peeves. Damn that was quick, simple and to the point.

25. What's the last thing that made you laugh?

Sitting on my couch at 5am this morning watching my gay bff drunk off his ass, trying to cook General Tso's Chicken, while trying to clean. Then sitting in my door way in his underwear trying to eat but kept falling a sleep in his chicken and every once in a while he would sit back up and ramble about some odd off the wall topic. Needless to say, he did keep me entertained while my husband slept peacefully in the bedroom, even with all the noise we were making. Completely Hilarious.

*Now you. If you're a blogger that reads my blog, consider yourself tagged.....
 



For He Has Risen!
Happy Easter!



There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.

– Matthew 28:2-6
 

 Notice how the angel of the Lord bypasses the guards and speaks to women about the resurrection. God chose to reveal His truth to a people group who, in that day, could not even testify in a court of law. God’s love challenges our paradigms in order to free us to be the children of God. As the apostle Paul wrote, there is neither male nor female in Christ. What was scandalous in the 1st Century becomes freeing for all of eternity. The resurrection is an event that includes everybody!

 

 

 

Some may not believe that Jesus was crucified, then rose in three days, and that's okay because the proof is in the fact that you are here, in this world, alive and breathing. Jesus gave you this, he gave you life, for he is your Father, your King. You should always praise Jesus for his commitment to us. We are dirty, flithly, sinful people who continue to live in sin reguardless of the reasons. So kneel in front of him and declared your love and faithfullness to him, Thank him for giving up his life for us to be the people we are, the people we have become. He will strip you down and show you his love. He will carry all your burdons. But you have to cry out to him. Show him that you know he loves you and forgives you, for he knows all. Jesus came, spoke what he knew to be true and for that, he was crucifed. He came back in three days and proved to us that he loved all. He stood before all and said to words, "Follow Me". -John 21:19. You can believe or not. But everyday that goes by, you walk with him. Our life with Jesus is always. Since he is already there why not "Follow Me". You have nothing to lose.

Soldier's and their ACU's.....
Oh No! Not again.....

 

 

 

 

Attention all soldiers! With the exception of my husband. I am sure you all did not join the army to look like sloppy seconds but let's face it most of you guys do. If you are a single soldier and your uniform is sloppy you have no one to blame but yourself. If you are married and your uniform is sloppy you have no one to blame but your wife. We don't want to see your hands in your pockets, we don't want to see your pants eating up your boots and we certainly do not want to see a top and bottom not matching. Do you want to know the secret to why my husband is the only one to ever pass a uniform inspection at 100%? It's because I take care of the uniform. Today I altered 5 ACU tops. I ripped off all the velcro and sewed everything on properly. Soldiers, velcro is not your friend. It's tacky and just a mess to deal with. I also by 3 sets of ACU's every 3 months. This way you can keep them all rotated and they always look nice and new. I suggest all soldiers start doing this immediately. I don't like looking at a sloppy soldier and I'm pretty sure everyone else does not enjoy it either. If anybody has a problem understanding my point please feel free to inbox me and I will let you know how your uniform is supposed to look.

 

Sincerely, the girl who is getting tired of sloppy soldiers!

 

To be continued....

When a woman loves a man...

 

When she says Margarita she means Daiquiri

When she says quixotic she means mercurial.

And whe she says, "I'll never speak to you again"

she means, Put your arms around me from behind as

she stands disconsolate at the window.

He's supposed to know that.

 

When a man loves a woman he is in New York and she is in Virginia
or he is in Boston, writing, and she is in New York, reading,
or she is wearing a sweater and sunglasses in Balboa Park and he
is raking leaves in Ithaca

or he is driving to East Hampton and she is standing disconsolate
at the window overlooking the bay
where a regatta of many-colored sails is going on
while he is stuck in traffic on the Long Island Expressway.

When a woman loves a man it is 1:10 in the morning
she is asleep, he is watching the ball scores and eating pretzels
drinking lemonade and two hours later he wakes up and staggers

into bed where she remains asleep and very warm.

 

When she says tomorrow she means in three or four weeks.
When she says, "We're talking about me now,"
he stops talking. Her best friend comes over and says,
"Did somebody die?"

When a woman loves a man, they have gone
to swim naked in the stream
on a glorious July day
with the sound of the waterfall like a chuckle
of water rushing over smooth rocks,
and there is nothing alien in the universe.

Ripe apples fall about them.
What else can they do but eat?

When he says, "Ours is a transitional era,"
"that's very original of you," she replies,
dry as the martini he is sipping.

They fight all the time
It's fun
What do I owe you?
Let's start with an apology
Ok, I'm sorry, you dickhead.
A sign is held up saying "Laughter."
It's a silent picture.
"I've been fucked without a kiss," she says,
"and you can quote me on that,"
which sounds great in an English accent.

One year they broke up seven times and threatened to do it
another nine times.

When a woman loves a man, she wants him to meet her at the
airport in a foreign country with a jeep.
When a man loves a woman he's there. He doesn't complain that
she's two hours late
and there's nothing in the refrigerator.

When a woman loves a man, she wants to stay awake.
She's like a child crying
at nightfall because she didn't want the day to end.

When a man loves a woman, he watches her sleep, thinking:
as midnight to the moon is sleep to the beloved.
A thousand fireflies wink at him.
The frogs sound like the string section
of the orchestra warming up.
The stars dangle down like earrings the shape of grapes.

 

Jared Lee Appelt "Just Like Always" in Hebrew 2/14/12

 

Life! It's just something that happens when you least expect it... So enjoy it!

 

 

 

So there's this thing called life, so I am told. There are times that I am a fan of it and at other times, I am life's worst enemy, Sure, I have a good life, most would say that it's a great one. It's filled with family, friends and the greatest of all, The Unexpected! My life is full of love, bright colors, clothes, shoes and all the hand bags a women could possibly want. So I guess I will retract my statement, I have a GREAT life. But it is not all the material things in my life that makes it so great. It's the love from my husband, the smiles on my boys faces, the places near and far that I have traveled. It's knowing that I have loved and been loved. Most people don't realize that the most important thing in life is love. With out love, you really don't have much. Your just there. Most people are afraid of love and some people use love in all the wrong ways. Just remember this. Fill your life with love, lots and lots of love. Dazzle it with music and color. Dance in the rain while wearing hot pink rain boots. Sing as much as you can. And last but not least, fill your life with family and friends. Choose your friends wisely and never take them for granted. You'll never know when you will really need them. Love your family like there is no tomorrow, because you never know what tomorrow will bring. Tomorrow is never promised. So live your life, love your life and one day when you least expect it, you'll realize that your 30 years old and life just kinda happened. You didn't plan for the life that you have but it's yours, so enjoy it!

 

    Shinedown, Three Days Grace and P.O.D





Every now and then when I least expect it, I find out that my awesome cousins from the band P.O.D (aka, Payable on Death) are in town playing in an area that I am currently living. Well on 3/19/13, they graced me along with the people of Bell County with their presence. This concert was not only excellent because P.O.D was in town, but because they were playing with Shinedown and Three Days Grace.

 Not only did I get to hang out with some of my family, I had the opportunity to hang out with a couple new friends that I made. They weren't just strangers, they were friends of my family of coarse. They were an awesome bunch of guys. They made the night that much more fun. As we hung out on stage while my cousins played we rocked out to the beat screaming our lungs out while letting the words of the music speak to us. Yes I did just say while the music spoke to us. P.O.D, for those who do not know are a Christian Rock Band that has been around for many years. Some may know their music, some may not but either which way I had an awesome time. The music was great, the people were great and the experience was great. I have attached below videos from when each band preformed. I hope that yall enjoy!

 

Three Days Grace "RIOT"

 

Shinedown "Second Chance"

 

P.O.D "Alive"

                       Follow Me, John 21:19

Then Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: “‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’ But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.” Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.”

– Matthew 26:31-33

This account happened at the Last Supper. We remember this evening through taking communion, but the Last Supper is also the moment when empty promises were made and the betrayal had begun. However, God used those broken promises to set the stage for Peter to be forgiven and stand as an example for all of us. Do you feel like you’ve failed God? This week reminds us that God can use our failures to fulfill His ultimate purposes.

The prediction, made by Jesus during the Last Supper that Peter would deny and disown him, appears in the Gospel of Matthew 26:33-35, the Gospel of Mark 14:29-31, the Gospel of Luke 22:33-34 and the Gospel of John 13:36-38. According to the Gospel of Matthew:

Peter replied, "Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will." "I tell you the truth," Jesus answered, "This very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times." But Peter declared, "Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you." And all the other disciples said the same.

Later that night, Jesus was arrested. The first denial to a servant girl in Luke 22:54-57 is as follows:

Then they seized him and led him away, bringing him into the high priest's house. Peter followed at a distance and when they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and had sat down together, Peter sat down with them. A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, "This man was with him." But he denied it. "Woman, I don't know him," he said.
The second denial to the same girl in Mark 14:69-70 is:

When the servant girl saw him there, she said again to those standing around, "This fellow is one of them." Again he denied it.

The third denial to a number of people, is emphatic as he curses according to Matthew 26:73-75:

After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, "Surely you are one of them, for your accent gives you away." Then he began to call down curses on himself and he swore to them, "I don't know the man!" Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: "Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times." And he went outside and wept bitterly.

The Gospel of Luke 22:59-62 describes the moment of the last denial as follows:

About an hour later another asserted, “Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Galilean." Peter replied, “Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.

The Gospel of John 18:13-27 describes the account of the three denials as follows:

Simon Peter and another disciple were following Jesus. Because this disciple was known to the high priest, he went with Jesus into the high priest’s courtyard, but Peter had to wait outside at the door. The other disciple, who was known to the high priest, came back, spoke to the girl on duty there and brought Peter in. “You are not one of his disciples, are you?” the girl at the door asked Peter. He replied, “I am not.” ... As Simon Peter stood warming himself, he was asked, “You are not one of his disciples, are you?” He denied it, saying, “I am not.” One of the high priest’s servants, a relative of the man whose ear Peter had cut off, challenged him, “Didn’t I see you with him in the olive grove?” Again Peter denied it, and at that moment a rooster began to crow.

Shingles All The Way, Not to be confused with Jingle all the way...

So about six weeks ago I walk in to the doctors office with what I would like to call "The Rash of all Rashes", so I thought and so the doctors not so sure. Well where do I begin. Like all great doctors appointment stories, they begin in a place that I like to refer to as, The place where all your nightmares come true. A place that the Army likes to refer to as "The Great Place" here in good ole' Killeen, Texas. Known also as Fort Hood. The largest Military instillation in the United States. Yea, that's another story for a another time.

OK, so back to the story. So I go to my appointment and see a P.A. (AKA, Physicians Assistant) that I will refer to as "P.A., dermatitis", this is because after she examines me, she tells me that I have a mild case of Dermatitis. At this point I only had three rash areas. So she gives me some cream and tells me to come back when it gets worse. So I use the cream and it gets worse. So what do I do? I make another appointment.

So I go in to my 2nd appointment over this rash, that has now multiplied and I have have to see a doctor that I will refer to as "Captain Fungal". And this is because this Army Captain has not only tried convincing me but has convinced himself, that this rash is fungal. So he gives me some new cream, some antibiotics and a new RX for an EpiPen in the event of having an allergic reaction seeing I tend to be allergic to just about anything and everything. I am sure your dying to know what happens. Well the rash gets worse and I end up having an allergic reaction to the antibiotics. This was after I told, "Captain Fungal" that he should speak with my primary care doctor first. Well he didn't and I paid the price.

 

 This time I make an appointment with my primary doctor that I thank God for everyday. Not only for being my doctor even though I am a pain in the ass but also because he is a great doctor, which is hard to find in the military. This doctor we will refer to as Lt. "Big" C, well that's the name I gave him because he needed a cool name and I am great at giving people names, obviously! So he takes a looksie look and he is also kind of not too sure what is going on but he is hell bent on finding out. So he goes and finds us a dermatologist that we will refer to as "Major Inflamed hair Follicle", oh yes he did. Seriously, just because you are a doctor doesn't mean you have to try and use big terms to impress me. I think what he meant to say was that he thinks I have an ingrown hair. Well I can kinda understand that but obviously I don't have twelve at one time. So, "Major Inflamed hair Follicle" leaves the room. Lt. "Big" C, looks at me and already knows what is about to come out of my mouth. So we have a nice chat, he gives me a different cream and some antibiotics. Well surprise, surprise, it just ain't working.

So now I am in so much pain, I'm itching everywhere and there doesn't seem to be any immediate help or relief in sight. Great, Awesome, Swell! So I go about another week with the creepy itchies and this makes about week four by now. I am not getting any happier and I am sure the staff at the doctor's office is growing less and less happier to see me, more than usual. Ha Ha, well that's on them. Not my problem they don't like me and well to be honest, I don't like them.

Now I am at my fourth appointment but this time with the doctor that I would like to refer to as "Captain Stupid", believe me, the name fits. "Captain Stupid", flat out actually tells me that he just does not know. So he takes his creepy self down the hallway to go speak with an alleged "Allergen" doctor. I use the word alleged because well I never actually saw him, so I am not sure if he is real or not. So I tell "Captain Stupid" that he needs to figure something out because I am losing my mind and about ready to throw myself out a window. BAD IDEA on my part I will admit. So now "Captain Stupid" thinks I am suicidal and thinks that I should be locked up on the crazy floor. Granted I always talk about how I need a vacation there doesn't really mean that I want to go there. So now I have to talk this dude down before I get locked up on the 5th floor. I do it of coarse, please if I know anything, it is how to keep these doctors scared of me.

It is now my pleasure to announce that I get an appointment with my one and only, Lt."Big" C, now that he has decided to return from the vacation that I do not remember him asking me permission for. I am just saying, it would be nice to get a heads up when you plan on leaving me alone with stupid doctors. Granted I am sure he needed the break after dealing with me while I was one of his inpatient patients after having a recent surgery. So this is now my fifth appointment over this rash that has got way out of control and at this point I am thinking that if this rash does not get dealt with and fast, I will be needing a trip up to the 5th floor.

So "Lt. "Big" C, has me come in as a walk in patient and by now he knows that the word on the street is, that there is a very ITCHY Mechelle Gonzales roaming the halls of the hospital, Filling out yellow ICE comment cards, all the while threatening the jobs of many people at Darnall Army Hospital. So I am pretty sure that he has prepared himself prior to walking through the door of my exam room. But I am not too sure that he was prepared for what he was about to see. Yes Yes Yes, it had got that bad. The first thing on Lt. "Big" C's face was kind of a WHOA MOMMA type expression. Which I am glad. Not that I was still itching my ass off but that he could see that this rash meant business.

So now Lt. "Big" C, means business. So now he needs to figure out what in the heck is going on with me. So he did what he does best. And that would be thinking outside the box. He thinks about all the possible things that I could have. All the medications I have already been treated with, that have failed miserably. And what could I have possibly been exposed to, that would give me something so itchy and something that burns so damn bad. Even though I don't really have the right symptoms, hell I don't really have anything that would suggest that I have none other than, The Shingles! But he was gonna go out on a limb and run some blood test and in the mean time treat me for Shingles!

 

So, again, now I have a new cream and new antibiotics. 4,000mg a day antibiotics. Yea, I was a bit nervous but Lt. "Big" C, had never let me down before, so I filled the prescriptions, went home and started popping antibiotics and rubbing myself from head to toe in this new cream. In less than two hours, I had never felt better. The next day, everything was gone. Not one sign on my body that I every had anything wrong with me. Well four days after seeing the good doctor and getting on the meds, Lt. "Big" C, give me a call today to see how I am doing and I reply, "PERFECT". Kudos to Lt. "Big" C. He did say that my lab work came back in and even though I never had the Chicken Pox and I wasn't over the age of 50, I did have the virus floating around in me. So, "The Shingles" it was and believe me, when you see the commercials on TV for the shingles, they arn't acting. It is really that painful. The burning is unreal and you really feel like you want to throw yourself out a window.

                      In a world where bigger is always better...
                                             Think small!

Sometimes I think way too much. Don't get me wrong-thinking up really big, wild and crazy ideas is one of my favorite things to do. But life is also about finding the simple things that take our breath away and illuminate our tiny corner in the world. These tender moments give our lives deeper meaning and sometimes become out most treasured memories. Quite simply...they make our hearts tingle.

Moments like nuzzling a newborn baby's cheek and vowing never to forget that sweet smell. Or sitting on a porch swing with your grandmother and praying you'll always remember her voice. It's laughing at a silly joke between friends and hearing the echo of your own childhood giggles. It's watching a parade with a lump in your throat and your hand on your heart when the vets go by. It's waking up in the morning and really feeling grateful for one more day.

It's easy to get caught up in the rapture of life's brilliant, amazing and spectacular things. But in the end, we must always remember that life is really no big thing...it's a zillion little things, just waiting to be cherished. Now take a deep breath...and feel the tingle.



                   Life is no big thing... it's a zillion little things.

        ...But I like being a Drama Queen

More than once, someone has rolled their eyes at me and told me to quit being such a Drama Queen.

Instead of this stopping me in my tracks, that one short sentence makes me want to seize a can of spray adhesive with one hand and a jar of glitter with the other and say, "You're missing the whole point!" and then cover them with a lavish coat of sticky, iridescent bling.

But instead, I take a deep breath and say a silent prayer. I pray for the strenght that I will never, ever listen to anyone who tells me to stop being myself. I then vow to forever embrace the drama, to breathe in the spark of passion that lights a fire in my soul, and to always surround myself with the wild energy that makes my heart tingle.

You know it, I know it: sometimes women need to empower our inner Drama queen to help us create the excitement, passion and fun that truly make our lives worth loving...no matter how many eyes are rolled along the way.

So stage your royal scene, Script out your passionate performance. And wear that crown with pride!

Let the show begin!

                     Some days you Just Have to Act "As If"...

You know "as if" everything is okay, "as if" everything is normal, and "as if" everything is just business as usual (despite the fact that you know it's just and act).

Some people call it "fake it till you make it." but I like to think of it more as acting with faith. It's about believing in something you can't see or touch. It's about reaching deeper into yourself than ever before to find your true strength and courage...even if they're right alongside doubt and fear. And it's about ignoring the voices around you that tell you to give up.

Think of it this way: What if just around the corner a shiny brass ring is waiting for you? What if the rainbow's end is just around the bed,  its a pot of gold emblazoned with your name? What if you act "as if" for just one more minute? This is not the time to wimp out ans be a chicken. This is the time to press forward with faith. This is the time to put on your game face and act "as if" nothing were impossible. When you do, you will stand tall with conviction and pride, knowing you have finally created the life you've always imagined.

                Fake it till' you make it? I don't think so. Faith it!

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS... with your arms flailing, hair flying, and screaming at the top of your lungs.

Do not take the advice of those old sages and wait until you can "wait confidently in the direction of your dreams." If you do, you'll never take the first step. Instead, leap and learn to fly on the way down.

Now is the time to jump in with both feet...arms flailing, hair flying, and screaming at the top of your lungs, "I can do this!"

You don't have to believe it...
You just have to do it.
Start now!

 NOW IS THE TIME TO JUMP IN WITH BOTH FEET